I’m not exactly sure why I am doing this. Why I am putting this all out there for everyone to see. But I feel this overwhelming urge to share my story and my journey with hopes that it will help someone along the way. My journey goes from high highs to low lows. I want to share stories and ideas along with creating an environment that it warm, assuring and empathic. This is what the world needs now more than ever.
As I did a little research on how this blogging thing works, I, like my normal self, am just jumping into it head first. This journey is about failure as much as it is about succeeding. Everyone wants to paint this picture of the perfect life, the perfect job, the perfect body. We all have a secret that we keep locked and hidden away from the world. We feel ashamed of it. No one else could ever have this happen to them? But that’s the point. If we don’t share our failures as much as our successes, how can we create a better world. A more caring, creative world. A less judgmental world. A world that accepts you as you.
So here comes my honesty. I have no fucking clue of what I am doing. I’m not a doctor or by any means a medical professional, so always take my words with a grain of salt as they say. These are my experiences. I hope that we can create a space where we can be open and free. Now see, I wanted to add in some type of joke there. Something about a being a hippie and wearing flowers in my hair. That’s why I say, take my words lightly and not to the depths of your heart. Be honest. I may seem like a nice and charming individual in real life, but my tongue is sharp. It' like I was born with silver bullets on my tongue that just shoot. They don't even try to aim. Sometimes the words are coming out of my mouth before I've even had the chance to proof them in my head. That’s where my anxiety flares. Shit. Did I just blurt out something that I shouldn’t have? Did I just make everyone feel super uncomfortable? Am I really at the butt of this joke? Why are they picking on me? What the fuck did I do? My world spinning out of control. That’s what my brain does. It will think of every possible bad outcome of some idea that I have. But sometimes it’s just sink or swim.
My anxiety levels have been so elevated lately just thinking about how this is all going to work out. Will I have enough time to dedicate to this? How will I come up with topics? What if it looks like shit? What if I fail? What if people think I'm a complete joke? Am I revealing too much? Reality can be a crude bitch sometimes. Although, sometimes we need that honest truth to change. Change blow. But change in inevitable, so we either fight it or learn to grown with it.
This journey isn’t about a specific niche or topic. I call myself the jack of all trades and the master of none. I know just enough to slide by. But sometimes I will sit with that project, trying to perfect it for hours. My brain won’t let me walk away. There is this little voice in my head that keeps saying, just fix this little part, or maybe you should read that for the 17th time, just to be sure. We can’t let someone see the work that you did look like a hot mess, like I am. See how this just sends me into a downward tailspin. But this journey is my journey. This isn't someone else's story, these aren't someone else's words and these are for sure my truth and my fucking feelings (btw I really, really despise feelings). But I'm honored that y’all are joining me this ride. You better buckle up, because it's going to a bumpy bitch. I hope that in my adventure we can learn something, share something, EAT something (fatty loves food), and become a better person. I know that it’s a constant daily struggle. But here we are. Let the journey begin....
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